"UNDERNEATH"

Underneath it all I think I'm doing okay!!
There are times when the slightest little thing can trigger a memory that sees the tears (which are hiding just beneath the surface of control) flow readily. There are the special occasions which have to be celebrated without you and which make the emotions a bit fragile. There are the events where one or other of us will say, "Jake would have loved that!" and which, again, bring the memories and tears to the foreground.
But, when I think about it, I wouldn't want those memories to disappear. I wouldn't want to not include you in our everyday conversations. I wouldn't want to forget the things you once enjoyed. Underneath it all, the memories are what keep you alive in our hearts and minds. So, the hurt that those memories bring forth from underneath a semblance of calm and control, is actually a good thing!!
Underneath it all I think we're all okay! I think we have to be!!