"ME, THEN"

Once upon a time I was able to hold my beautiful, identical twin boys and marvel at how perfectly formed they were and what good weights they were for twins. I cried for all the lost moments we would wonder about for eternity.
Once upon a time I held another little, tousle-haired, blue-eyed boy as he fed continuously and kept me awake for nights on end. I laughed with him and challenged his curiosity and tried to answer his infinite stream of questions as he grew to be a charming, talented young man.
That was me, then!
I can still recall those precious moments like they were yesterday.
Once upon a time I cried tears of happiness when I heard my little baby girl cry for the first time. I felt guilty that a sound that called for a basic need could bring me so much joy! But, to me, at that time, it was the best sound ever!! I couldn't get enough of her perfectly-formed smile and her bright eyes.
That was me, then!
Now,... I still can't get enough of her gorgeous smile and her big, blue eyes. I hate to see her crying but I love just being there when she needs me! I am amazed at how lucky I am to be the Mum of such a well-rounded individual.
I am a Mum to four very beautiful children!!
But me, NOW is just thankful for every minute I have had with each of my boys and for every minute I get to spend with my girl and my man!
That's me...NOW!

"ERRAND"

"Mum, can you please bring me a change of clothes?"
I ran my errand for the day when Sian called and asked me to bring her some other clothes so she could go out with the girls! I was most proud of the fact that I found all the right clothes! No easy feat!!
My other very important errand for the day was to buy a birthday present for my baby sister. It is her birthday tomorrow...her most favourite day of the year! Clare will be 36 (I think). She has Down Syndrome and is a very special sister. She loves birthdays and food more than anything in the world. And, although she has seven sisters, she always writes "Happy Birthday to my favourite sister" in our cards every time any of us has a birthday! Of course, we make a big song and dance about it and jeer at the others, letting them know that we are the favourite. But, we all know that we are only the 'favourite' because it is our birthday.
Tomorrow it's HER day, so...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVOURITE SISTER!! xxx

"A GOOD THING"

I know a 'good thing' when I see it!!
I know that I have been, and continue to be, VERY lucky that my children have always been so communicative and caring.
Sian shows a maturity way beyond her years at times. She is able to very quickly sift through the bullshit that accompanies some people and, thus avoids having fools in her life...wherever possible!
She treats people with the respect they deserve and has truly become a very well-rounded and confident young adult. In the past few months she has been through some very tough times but has remained supportive of those who need her, has coped with emotional adversity and continues to view life with a positivity that many, in the same situation, would find impossible!
Jake obviously couldn't cope with adversity but he too was a son that anyone would have been proud to 'own'. He was caring and communicative and truly loved those who were lucky enough to be 'chosen' as a part of his life. Many of his friends have spoken of a mate who always listened in their times of need, who would put an arm around them if they needed a hug and who brought a laugh and a smile to those who frowned. He was the same with his family!
I know that others are not so fortunate in their relationship with their children...I know I have a 'good thing'!

"LOVE / HATE"

I love writing this blog and sharing my thoughts with anyone who cares enough to read them!
But, I hate that it has become an obsession!!
I considered not writing anything tonight because I really couldn't think of anything to match this topic! I have not missed a day of writing since March 11th this year and actually feel guilty that I even considered missing tonights entry!!
I really would love to write a book and have it published. I know that's not as easy as it sounds but I enjoy writing. I just have absolutely no idea how to go about getting my writing published though.
I'm not silly enough to think that these blogs are 'book' material but I would love to write a children's novel. I have even written down a few thoughts regarding characters and plots.
Is there anyone out there with insight as to how to be published?

"NEAR"

I'm a bit obsessive these days!
I like my family to be near and go into panic mode if I don't know where they are! I realise that I can't do that to them though, so I try very hard to let them go without appearing to be too protective.
They are both very patient with me and are very good at letting me know where they are and how they are feeling.
There is nothing better than having your loved ones near. There are often times when I can 'feel' my boys near me. It is a comforting feeling but not quite good enough!!

"FRAME"

I have some very special pictures in frames in my home.
I have a lovely picture of my Mum and Dad amongst the black-and-white frames in the front room. In this group of pictures there are also frames containing pictures of Sian, Jake, John's Mum and Dad and one of myself with all of my siblings cavorting in a tree with Mum and Dad and Sian and many of my nieces and nephews.
Beside my bed is a frame containing a sepia photo of Jake playing the guitar when he was about sixteen years old. You can only see his side profile and the photo was taken on an old mobile phone so the picture is a bit grainy but I love it!
Inside the front door and to the right there is a frame displaying my favourite picture of Sian and Jake together and on the wall opposite is a photo taken by John of a tree and its reflection.
Our sideboard holds a myriad of pictures from when the kids were little. It also houses frames containing pictures of Toby and Nick, John's parents and my Nan.
It is a little world of framed memories!

"3 THINGS"

I have 3 angels watching over me!
Some may say that I'm lucky and I suppose I am in a way! But I would far rather they were here so I could watch over them!
They are not really 'things' as such but 'things' and memories are all we have left to remind us of how special they each were.

I think that the 3 things most important to me are family, friends and laughter. I would have said love instead of laughter but my idea of family and friends speaks loudly of love without even stating the obvious! I really do believe that laughter should be included, as a world without laughter would be almost as bad as a world without family and friends.
We all need a giggle. We need to be able to laugh at ourselves and each other in a way that bonds us together.

"BEFORE BEDTIME"

Before bedtime every night the kids would clamour for a story. When they were toddlers they wanted stories read to them. Jake's favourite, as a toddler, was "The Very Hungry Caterpillar". We read it so often to him that he was convinced he could read because he knew every word off by heart!
When Sian was younger than 12 months old she loved a book called "Peek-a-Boo" which had two folding hands in it. These opened and closed to reveal the animal or the person hiding on the page. She just giggled every time they said, "Peek-a-Boo".
Then a bit later she loved the nursery rhyme books and one that Jake had called "This is the Way we Go to Bed" or something like that!
However, once they got to school age they would ask me to tell them a made-up story. I had originally made up a story about a dragon which Jake named 'FireSev'...(don't ask me why!) From then on every story had to have FireSev on an adventure with two children named Sian and Jake. There were some nights when my brain just could not come up with yet another new adventure!!  It was worse than Home and Away! But I'm so glad now that I am able to have that memory and to feel comfort in the fact that we had so many, many precious moments together!
'Before bedtime' didn't just involve me and the kids! John was always roped in to do what the kids called "The Teddy Bear thing".
After their stories they would hop into their own beds and wait for John to come in and say goodnight. In each room he would have to do this "Teddy Bear thing". This involved their teddy bears 'talking' (in a voice remarkably like Ted E Bear from the Straussman shows) and saying silly things to them. They would be in fits of laughter (after I had calmed them with a story) and it was always funny because the child who was waiting his or her turn would also be giggling in anticipation.
They were magic moments! Very precious memories!!

"UP"

I'm scared of heights so being 'up' high doesn't do much for me!!
But, I have been to some places where you do have to venture upwards in order to experience the most of what there is to see.
I have been 'up' the Eiffel tower, although we were not allowed past the second level. I'm not sure why or whether that is just standard procedure.
I have been 'up' the Rialto tower in Melbourne. It was quite breathtaking watching a helicopter fly past at the level we were standing on.
I have been up Mt. Rigi in Switzerland. And just getting there was a feat in itself as those cable cars are not for the faint-hearted and definitely not geared for the 'scared-of-heights' population! But the views and the atmosphere in general were not to be missed!
I have been up in the mountains behind Chiang Mai where the poppy's are grown and the villagers all wear brightly-coloured clothing and smile with dark brown teeth.
I have been 'up' on a skywalk in Tasmania but I have to admit that I couldn't walk out on the swinging arm at the end of it as the wind was blowing it from side to side. So, us girls frantically watched as Jake and John traversed the swaying arm to peer down into the Huon River a hundred metres below.
There are just times in your life when you have to take the risk or miss out on the 'ups'!!

"SOMETIMES"

Sometimes I get so annoyed at people complaining about their so-called "shit" lives when all they are really grizzling about is their misbehaving teenagers or their car problems. How can that equal a "shit life"?
Some people have no idea!!
In this country most of us have three good meals a day, we have gender equality, we have freedom of speech, we have education for all of our children, we have a comparitively good economy and we have jobs.
But, more importantly, if you have teenagers of your own to whinge about then you should be counting your lucky stars!! Not giving up on them, not palming them off on to someone else, not arguing with them at their every move!
Yes, many of them go through a "phase" of being little shits and it's hard work at times. You really do have to pick your fights! But, they're yours and the few years of neanderthal grunts, selfish behaviour  and "whatever" attitude is all part of them testing the waters (and you). Eventually, they remember that they are 'yours' and start to show you that they care! What a wonderful feeling that is!!
'Sometimes' we all just need a reality check!! ... and a hug!

"MAN-MADE"

When our kids were little a lot of their toys were 'man-made' by their Dad.
Sian's first table and chair set, the wooden mobiles in the corner of their bedrooms, the tree house in the back yard, the doll's bed where Sian put her dolls and her little brother to bed, the pull-along toys, the deck around the pool and the train engine to climb on... to name just a few.
Sian and Jake and the multitude of day-care kids who were in John's care had countless hours of joy from his efforts.
Then there was the "lovely" bar made by Jake and his mates in woodwork classes at school. How they ever got approval to build that I will never know. And how we got sucked into having it at our place will remain mystery number two!
Lovely memories though!!

"UNDERNEATH"

Underneath it all I think I'm doing okay!!
There are times when the slightest little thing can trigger a memory that sees the tears (which are hiding just beneath the surface of control) flow readily. There are the special occasions which have to be celebrated without you and which make the emotions a bit fragile. There are the events where one or other of us will say, "Jake would have loved that!" and which, again, bring the memories and tears to the foreground.
But, when I think about it, I wouldn't want those memories to disappear. I wouldn't want to not include you in our everyday conversations. I wouldn't want to forget the things you once enjoyed. Underneath it all, the memories are what keep you alive in our hearts and minds. So, the hurt that those memories bring forth from underneath a semblance of calm and control, is actually a good thing!!
Underneath it all I think we're all okay! I think we have to be!!

"PRICE"

What is the price of happiness?
Well, I know better than most that the ultimate price is life. Luckily that is for a minority!
The price of happiness is probably different for everyone.
For some, that means sitting by a river with a worm on a hook, or partying all night or travelling the world.
For me, now, the price of happiness means foregoing about $20,000 /year in order that I get to spend more time with my family. I no longer spend my Sunday doing a work program. Instead that is done on a Tuesday while Sian and John are at work and uni. This gives me more time for the 'me' things in my life. At the moment that means some reading, some visiting, some mother/daughter time and some retail therapy. Eventually I'd like to write a book and I'd like to do an art course or two in mixed media collage or painting.
But, all in good time.... my time!!

"IN MY FRIDGE"

In my fridge there is a wheel of 'Fire Engine red' cheese given to us by my brother Sean, who is a cheesemaker. It is a favourite of John's who only really discovered cheese a little over 12 months ago. Unusual for a Dutchy I would think!
It goes well with the white wine that is also in my fridge..but even better with a nice Briarose red or an Arrowsmith which can be found in the wine collection.
These days there are usually some leftovers in my fridge as well! It's quite hard to cook for three as most recipes cater for four people. I guess we are also just not used to the fact that our 24-hour food disposal chief is no longer available to get rid of the leftovers in his lunch break!
I don't think we'll ever get used to that!!

"STRANGE"

Don't you think it's strange that we have to show so many forms of ID to prove who we are in situations such as banking, passport applications, house purchasing, etc? Yet I could walk into any one of these institutions wearing a burqa and no-one would be able to question whether my ID matched my facial features! Where is the security in that?
I am not being racist...I am being realistic! Anyone could be under those layers of dark-coloured material!
John and I recently had to prove that we were John and Ann-Maree Van Berlo in order to officially change our names to John and Ann-Maree Van Berlo. This had to be done for security reasons in order that we are legally allowed to apply for Australian passports. It was quite ridiculous and strange and quite expensive, but was the result of John's birth certificate being in the name of Johnny Berlo. His parents had dropped the Van for a short period of time after their arrival in Australia. John was unaware of this and had always been known as John Van Berlo. That is security at its best!!
It's a strange world sometimes!

"FIRST THING YOU SEE"

The first thing I see when I wake up in the morning is the light streaming through the little window which we have had added to our bedroom. Our room was once quite dark all the time, and I just love light-filled rooms, so we have put a long, narrow window in on the west-facing wall of the bedroom. At the moment it has no blind or curtains so the light comes in as soon as it can every morning. I love it!!
I probably won't love it in a couple of months time though so I'd better do something about dressing it!

"FAVOURITE"

My favourite things change depending upon the circumstances.
Take my favourite song...I love "Pleasure & Pain" if I am in the car by myself where I can turn the volume up full bore and blast it out whilst singing along...at full volume as well! I did try it a few times while the kids were in the car but Jake used to do that, "Mum, don't sing!" thing whenever it was my turn to sing the chorus! Can't understand why!
But, if I am sitting quietly at home I like listening to a variety of favourites such as Billy Joel or Rod Stewart or Dr Hook (showing my age here aren't I?) I enjoy Jason Mranz and Elton John. There are lots of songs I like but not being very musical I couldn't tell you who sings them.
If I am gardening or doing something mundane like painting I like listening to some Strauss.
It really does change with the situation.
About 25 years ago I read a book called "The Bone Collector". I still count it as one of my favourites, only because it stuck in my head for so long. I have always loved murder mysteries but since Jake's death I find myself sticking to more mushy things which were never previously in my repertoire. I just can't hack the deaths involved in my once-favourites. Now, I am enjoying a run of Nora Robb books and have even ventured into some fantasies. So you see, even favourite books are circumstantial.
My favourite colours are Autumn colours such as burgundy and burnt orange.
My favourite thing to teach is Maths. I was an ok Maths student at school, never brilliant and I didn't take it through to Year 12. But, teaching it at Primary level is fun! I rarely have the kids doing written computations but just love the activities and games which allow kids to see maths as fun!
My favourite people are, of course, my husband, my beautiful girl, my angels and my family and friends. They are my world!

"TABLE"

Our table tonight was a happy, busy one!
Today is my sister Kerryn's birthday so, in keeping with family tradition, we all gathered around her dining table to celebrate this special day with her.
Mum and Dad were there. Sean and Tan came to celebrate with the life of the party in tow. Milena loves birthdays (as do all three year olds) and keeps us all amused with her advanced acting skills. Mike was there, too. He joined John, Sian, Graeme, Ash and I in singing Happy Birthday.
Happy Birthday, Kerryn!! I hope the coming year sees you laughing often and worrying less! You deserve it!
It was a jolly 'table' tonight!

"TOGETHER"

My favourite things to do are the things we do together.
This is not a new thing! My favourite holidays have been the car trips where John, Sian, Jake and myself were all in the car together for a road trip. In the year 2000 I took long service leave and we travelled up through the middle of New South Wales, into Queensland and then back down the east coast. It was fantastic!!
There were many highlights on that trip! The joy and excitement on the kids' faces when they realised that, at the tender ages of 9 and 10, they were allowed to pilot the the little golf buggy that took us around the Dubbo zoo. The fun they had in the pool with cousins they barely knew on the Gold Coast. The thrill of the rides at the theme parks in Queensland. The brilliant fireworks display at The Entrance that heralded the arrival of the Paralympics torch. The tick found in Jake's hair at Port Macquarie. Missing school!!!
Three years later we did a road trip around Tasmania, again with all four of us. And again, these were great times with lots of laughs and fun together. There was the adventure (and then the boredom) of the trip on "The Spirit of Tasmania". There was the joy of seeing all the little baby sea dragons at Beauty Point and the ensuing desire to have one for a pet. There was the encounter with the funny Frenchman at Bicheno and the humourous discoveries made amidst the tiny Hobart display in Richmond.
They were great times...together!
Even mundane things like gardening and cooking are better if done together.
I still love those 'together' trips...there may be less of us but the 'togetherness' is still delightful!

"HERO"

The Apple dictionary attached to this computer defines 'hero' as a noun meaning "a person, typically a man, who is admired or idealised for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities."
I was going to object to the sexist nature of this definition but then realised that there is a feminine term for this word so that would explain the gender reference.
But, who do I see as a hero?
I believe that Jim Stynes was truly a hero. He was admired by many, he showed definite courage in the face of adversity, he achieved a great deal in his lifetime and he showed 'noble qualities' in the way he was able to stay so positive when his whole world was in dire straits.
I recently read Anh Do's autobiography and I think he too was a 'hero'. He is able to look at the many tough times he and his family faced with laughter and humour. He has risen above his years of poverty and faced life with amazing resilience and a determination to succeed.
I think my Mum is a hero, in the feminine form of course! After raising ten children, two of whom have intellectual disabilities of some form or another, she is now bringing up two teenage grandsons whilst also living with a husband whose memory is slowly deteriorating. We all know that she does it tough! Some weeks I'm sure she is ready to throw in the towel but she is made of stronger stuff than that. She still manages to be there for us if we need her! She still manages to discipline her grandsons who are just beginning to show their teenage rebellious natures. She still manages to run a well-managed household. She can still have a laugh with us all. And she is always able to let us know in a million ways that she loves us no matter what! A true 'hero'.

"BLACK AND WHITE"

Nothing is just 'black and white'! Life and death are not that simple!
Death doesn't just mean that someone is gone from your life! Firstly, there is the details of their lives to sort out...bank details, death certificates, cause of death, superannuation, car payments, phone bills, etc, etc, etc. Then there is the ripple effect that their departure causes...emotional instability, inconsolable grief, months/years missing from some of our lives, heartache and, in some cases, lives changed forever.
Life is not 'black and white' either!
Relationships are never simple. They take consideration, compensation, give and take and commitment. They need nurturing to make them 'fit' both parties. I don't think any of us is perfect so a good relationship takes tolerance and a preparedness to accept the failings of the other party. However, there is also a need to listen to the needs and desires of your partner and to act accordingly and with respect.
Life should be colourful! It should be filled with the people you love and with happy times together! Nothing is just 'black and white".

"SOMETHING YOU DO MOST WEEKENDS"

My weekends are free to spend with my little family these days. I don't have to do a work program as I don't work on Mondays or Tuesdays so my days are free to spend with the people I love most in the world.
We usually don't do much! A breakfast or a lunch together. Some housework or some gardening. Relaxing in front of the TV. A cuppa with Sean and a laugh with Milena. A drive here or there. Sometimes a visit with Mum and Dad. A cuddle with my girl...(not just reserved for weekends though)!
John cooks breakfast of bacon and eggs on either of the weekend days and I drink many more cups of tea on weekends than I usually do. Only because John has to keep up his average of 14 cuppas a day so I often partake in one with him!...not 14 though...I would slosh!
I like my weekends!

"AT NIGHT"

I often lie awake at night with a million thoughts running around in my head. I know..."man's greatest enemy is his mind". It's true...even for women!
There are nights when I just can't sleep because I'm hot or just restless...I presume it's my age!
It's 'at night' that Mum's all over the world are only half asleep just waiting for the blessed relief that comes in the form of the front door opening to a son or daughter safely home from a night out.
But, there are the other nights when my nightmare day plays itself over and over in my head, and thoughts of the anguish and despair that ended a life too soon become a mother's burden. These are the sleepless nights!
It's 'at night' that the mind is let loose.
Bring on the release of day!

"NATURAL"

Last week we took 150 kids to Healesville Sanctuary. I hadn't been there since our kids were much younger. What a great place!!
Even with that many kids in tow it was so nice to be in that natural bushland. The sanctuary has been really well maintained with natural bush settings for each enclosure and plenty of open spaces for those creatures that need it.
The Great Birds of Flight show was simply awesome! We had Jess the Wedge-Tailed Eagle swooping just centimetres from our heads as well as cockatoos, galahs, parrots, hawks and even an Australian buzzard. Jess has been around for 20 years. All the birds were kept in 'natural' surroundings but are very highly trained. Fantastic!
We had a classroom experience where the kids were able to pat a tawny frogmouth, a possum and a snake. They got to watch and listen to the frogmouth crunching as it ate it's lunch of two mice. How 'natural'!

"EVERY DAY"

'Every day' I look forward to seeing the faces of my daughter and husband. I anxiously await their demeanor as it will tell me whether or not they are happy and content. That's the way I like to see them looking. I know it can't always be like that but it certainly makes me happy and less worried if I know they are having the best day possible.
I know...I'm a worry wart!! I have always been inclined that way but it is worse now and 'every day' I have to try to let go just a little bit more. Sometimes it's one step up and two steps back but the effort is definitely there.
The days when John comes home full of the tales of business successes and when Sian bounces in the door and joins cheerfully in our banter... these are my happiest 'every days".

"BRIGHT"

How appropriate to have this topic after the power has been off for five hours.
I don't remember that happening since the kids were little and we had a night of candle-lit board games and story-telling. A sweet memory!
The wind has certainly caused a bit of havoc today. It was wild! I was in the study today when I happened to glance out the window just as a giant gum tree came crashing to the ground. Sian didn't go to uni as the road was apparently very dangerous with trees down and things blowing all over the road. Gippsland Uni was shut down!
It was quite disconcerting seeing 'bright' lights all over the other side of Warragul whilst we were cloaked in darkness. It's more often the other way around...we still have power when theirs' goes out!
It's funny how we miss the 'bright' lights of the computers and phones and things once we can't use them though!
And, don't you just love the cheer that everyone lets out when all is 'bright' again?

"IN THE MAIL"

John has always wanted a boat!!
Well, today he got a ship!
Sian and I bought him a model sailing ship for Father's Day but  it didn't quite arrive in time. It arrived today and we were anxiously awaiting his response once he had opened it! He has often voiced a desire to build a model sailing ship but it is often a different matter to actually receive one.
This one was received very well!
It should keep him occupied for many hours as even the hull is seperate planks and each sail has to be painstakingly rigged with thin cotton strands.
It is a model of the bark "Endeavour".

Happy Father's day to Sian's best Dad and to the father of all our beautiful children! We love you xxx

"FAR AWAY"

I'm sure that I will feel very worried when my girl is in the USA for a holiday next year. It is so 'far away". But, I also know that it is just what she needs and she will have a ball!
Some of my sisters live so 'far away'. It would be nice to see them more often but I know they have their own established lives in these distant places. I guess it seems even further when things are not going the way we think they should in our lives.
When my nieces and nephews have been on their overseas jaunts to 'far away' places it has been really lovely to be able to communicate with them through Facebook and to see the pics of their adventures. Many people have voiced their negative opinions of this social media outlet but when it is used for sharing a laugh and an adventure, or even a private chat it is wonderful!!
It is only those who share their every move and their piddly gripes in public that make it socially 'unacceptable'.
I love that it brings those who are 'far away' right back into my space!!

"FATHER"

My father will be 80 next month. He is showing all the signs that let the world and those close to him know that he is now an old man. His memory is fading, his hearing is almost non-existent and he is a little uncertain on his feet. He gets his words mixed up and can't do the everyday things that he thinks he can. It's sad to watch really.
He has always been a man who is well-liked by all who know him. He has never said a bad word about anyone and could probably be described as easy-going and even-tempered. He has always been the community member who would say yes whenever anything needed doing and, consequently, there came a time when his heart told him that he had to be less compliant.
His family history told a story of high blood pressure and heart attacks at 60. Dad was no exception, he had the heart attack at 60 and has always been troubled with blood pressure problems. But, in his case and unlike his father and most of his brothers, he lived! And we are the lucky ones!!
We have had 20 more years to love him and to be supported through our times of need.
I myself have had the pleasure and reassurance of his strong hold as his arms held me for a cuddle in my darkest hours. His words have sometimes been muddled but they have had meaning and calmness at just the right times.
My Dad is a gentle man with amazing physical strength for someone of his age. He may be old and his addled words and memory may at times be frustrating both to himself and to his family but he is my Dad and I wouldn't want for any other. We could all take a few leaves out of his book!
I love you, Dad!xxx

September 2nd, 2017
Tomorrow is Father's Day and the first ever without my Dad. Sadly, the world lost this beautiful man on April 19th. However, I know that I am one of the lucky ones! I have had the pleasure of 60 years with a Dad who was the best! The memories we made together will be cherished in my heart forever. Thank you, Dad for always being there when I needed you, for your wisdom and strength, for your unending love, your smile and your stoicism. Keep smiling, Dad!  I love you!

"ME, NOW"

I'm not the same person I used to be.
I have always thought of myself as emotionally strong and sort of cool, calm and collected. Most of the time that is still me.
But, it doesn't take much to burst that illusion and everything falls apart.
In the past twelve months I have been known to cry for an hour because I broke a cup, fall in a heap because an ambulance sped past in the same direction as Sian had taken, cry in the middle of a song (whilst still dancing) and growl at the dog because he got in the way.
It makes me feel stupid, and I hate that I am like that, but it seems to have taken hold. Hopefully, it won't be like that forever as there are things about 'me, now' that I really don't like!
However, this 'me, now' is loving part-time teaching, is enjoying spending time with my girl and my husband, is happy in my new house and has taken up blogging as a very successful form of personal therapy.
"Me, now' is ok!!